vagina monologues

Just got back from watching this year's production of The Vagina Monologues.

I had seen the play during my first year here at UCSD, and decided to watch it again this year to see how, if at all, my perspective on the subject of... well, "talking vaginas"... has changed through my time here in college. It's only been three years since my frosh year, but watching the play tonight made me feel incredibly old. Not "crotchety old cat lady" old, but I suppose that tonight was the first time I realized that I have gotten to be a little more "wise" over the years. Kind of. I guess my 21-year-old self is a lot more different from my 18-year-old self than I had first thought.

When I was a freshman, I would blush at the mere mention of the play's title. Like crazy. I don't think I had ever said the word in my entire life, really, until that year. The idea of the play sounded frightening. And incredibly awkward. I hadn't understood why somebody would want to write a play about the female organ, let alone watch other women openly talk about "themselves" on a stage. I didn't see why people would want share about their sexual experiences and talk what their privates smelled like or what they think it would say if it could talk. It didn't really make sense to me, and kind of disgusted me, actually.

But, a few of my suitemates had gotten tickets to the event, and invited me to join. I remember that even though my initial feelings toward the play were of disgust, for some reason, I still found myself debating with myself about whether or not I should go to the show.

These suitemates were the ones who had fully embraced their sexuality, and enjoyed talking about their sex lives; I had always felt a left out of their conversations (because it's not like I had anything to "contribute"), and didn't like how they had decided to make gigantic phalic figures out of condoms on our suite wall, but I had always admired how comfortable and confident they were with themselves and with their bodies, and thought that maybe, just maybe, watching the play, with them, would bring me a step closer to understanding myself, and somehow give me some pseudo-exposure to "the grown-up world." For some reason, this seemed really important to me at the time, because I had not realized how sheltered of a life I had lived until I got to college and lived with these girls.

Anyway, I had also heard that the DOTS (an a capella group at my school that I loved at the time) were going to perform before the show, so I ultimately decided to tag along. "Why not give it a try?," I'd thought. I remember feeling very uncomfortable and extremely confused throughout the entire play, and my face went red and my ears burned in embarrassment as one of the girls on stage re-enacted various "orgasm moans." There was also a monoglue about a vagina "workshop," which completely baffled me, as I had no idea what the word "clit" meant. I kept on wondering, "What in the hell are these people talking about?!" and "Is there really so much going on down there?!" Nothing really clicked in my head, and I left the play feeling slightly traumatized.

Looking back on the experience, I guess my reaction to the entire situation should've been expected, seeing as to how I had grown up in a very conservative household. For example, my parents had always made me cover my ears and close my eyes during any kissing/make-out scenes in movies. All of "that" stuff was completely unknown, taboo, looked down upon, met with contempt... and the thought of talking or hearing about any of "that" stuff incited an immediate (trained?) "gross out" reaction in me, caused me to squirm.

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I must confess that I still don't fully understand the purpose of all of the monologues (although they are all entertaining), but I no longer find it uncomfortable to listen to or watch them. The topics the play brings up don't make me blush at all, now. I no longer feel nervous about discussing it with my friends, or have a problem with saying that "I'm going to see The Vagina Monologues' tonight." It just seems... normal. Or... natural? Not sure. I don't know why or when this "change," if you would even call it that, happened; I guess maybe I've just matured a little through the years.



They were selling "I [heart] Vaginas" T-shirts at the theater. I wonder if they sell "I [heart] Penises" shirts out there, somewhere. Not that I'd buy one, but I was just wondering if they exist, too.